What Does the Bible Say About Abuse in Marriage?

Written By Mary Carter

Mary is a devoted Bible student who loves sharing her knowledge, inspiring others with faith-filled insights, and deepening spiritual understanding through writing.

Marriage is meant to be a place of love, safety, and commitment.

It is a sacred bond designed by God, meant to reflect His love and faithfulness.

However, in some marriages, instead of love, there is pain.

Instead of safety, there is fear.

Abuse in marriage is a serious issue that affects many people, and it is something that should never be ignored.

The Bible speaks about love, respect, and how we should treat one another.

It does not justify abuse in any form.

If someone is in an abusive marriage, what does the Bible say about it?

Does God expect a person to stay in a harmful situation?

Let’s explore what Scripture teaches about marriage, abuse, and how to respond in a way that honors God.

God’s Design for Marriage

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

It is not just a legal agreement but a spiritual commitment between a husband, a wife, and God.

Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

God designed marriage to be a partnership of love, respect, and unity.

Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

This is a powerful statement.

Jesus loved the church with a selfless, sacrificial love.

He protected, cared for, and laid down His life for His people.

A husband is called to love his wife in the same way—not with control, not with anger, not with harm, but with deep, selfless love.

Likewise, Ephesians 5:33 instructs wives, “The wife must respect her husband.”

Respect in marriage goes both ways.

It does not mean submission to cruelty.

It means honoring each other in love and kindness.

When love and respect are missing, and abuse enters the marriage, something is deeply wrong.

Abuse Is a Sin

The Bible is clear that abuse—whether physical, emotional, verbal, or spiritual—is a sin.

It goes against everything God desires for His people.

Abuse is rooted in selfishness, cruelty, and a desire for control.

None of these things reflect the heart of God.

See also  What Does the Bible Say About Offering?

Colossians 3:19 warns husbands, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Harshness, cruelty, or violence in a marriage is not acceptable in God’s eyes.

Instead, marriage should reflect gentleness and love.

Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Words can either build up or tear down.

Verbal abuse—constant criticism, insults, yelling, and manipulation—is not something God overlooks.

A marriage filled with harshness, violence, or fear is not the kind of marriage God intends.

Abuse Is Not Love

Many abusers try to justify their actions by claiming they love their spouse.

But love and abuse cannot exist together.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes what true love looks like:

“Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love is patient and kind—not controlling or cruel.

Love does not dishonor—it does not belittle, shame, or harm.

Love always protects—it does not cause fear or pain.

If a spouse is abusive, they are not loving in the way God commands.

Abuse is the opposite of love.

It is sin, and it is not something that God allows or approves of in any marriage.

God Hates Violence

The Bible strongly condemns violence and oppression.

Psalm 11:5 says, “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”

This is a serious statement.

God hates violence.

He does not turn a blind eye to abuse.

Malachi 2:16 says, “‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty.”

This verse shows that God expects a husband to protect his wife, not harm her.

If a man abuses his wife, he is acting against God’s will.

See also  What Does the Bible Say About a Lying Tongue?

And this truth applies to both men and women—whether it is a husband or a wife being abusive, God condemns all forms of violence in marriage.

Submission Does Not Mean Enduring Abuse

One of the most misused scriptures in the Bible is Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

Some people twist this verse to justify abusive control.

But submission does not mean tolerating cruelty.

It does not mean being a victim.

The same passage also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Jesus did not harm or oppress the church—He laid down His life for it.

Biblical submission is about mutual love, not suffering in silence.

Nowhere does the Bible say that a woman (or a man) must stay in a dangerous, abusive situation.

Seeking Safety Is Not a Sin

Many victims of abuse feel trapped.

They may be told that divorce is not an option or that leaving their abuser is wrong.

But the Bible does not command people to stay in danger.

Psalm 82:4 says, “Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

God is a God of justice, and He calls His people to protect those who are suffering.

1 Corinthians 7:15 provides guidance in situations where a marriage is destructive:

“But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”

While this verse speaks specifically about an unbelieving spouse leaving, the principle remains the same:

God has called us to live in peace.

If someone is in a marriage filled with abuse, they are not bound to stay in harm’s way.

God does not want His children to suffer at the hands of an abusive spouse.

The Church’s Role in Addressing Abuse

The church has a responsibility to stand against abuse.

Too often, victims are told to “pray harder” or “be more patient,” rather than being encouraged to seek safety and justice.

See also  What Does the Bible Say About a Mother’s Love?

Isaiah 1:17 commands, “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

Church leaders should offer support, protection, and wisdom to those suffering in abusive marriages.

They should not silence victims or force them to stay in danger.

Instead, they should provide resources, counsel, and a safe place for healing.

Hope for Healing and Restoration

If someone has been in an abusive marriage, they may feel broken, ashamed, or unsure of what the future holds.

But God is a healer.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

God cares about those who have been hurt.

He sees the pain, and He offers restoration.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a reminder of His good plans: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Abuse does not define a person’s worth.

God sees each person as valuable, loved, and worthy of a life free from harm.

With His help, healing is possible.

Final Thoughts

The Bible makes it clear that abuse has no place in marriage.

Marriage is meant to be a relationship of love, honor, and respect.

Abuse is a sin—it is not love, and it is not part of God’s plan.

If someone is in an abusive marriage, they are not required to endure it.

God calls His people to seek justice, find safety, and trust Him for healing.

No one deserves to live in fear.

God’s heart is for peace, love, and restoration.

For those who have experienced abuse, there is hope.

God sees, God cares, and God offers a future filled with His love and healing.